Taming The Toe Monster: How To Survive a Bout With Gout
During the most festive time of the year — the six weeks that begin tomorrow and lasts through New Year’s Day — the visions I have dancing in my head do not involve sugar plums. My delectable daydreams are of parties and family dinners where any kind of meat and fish are in abundance, the alcohol is flowing freely, and rich, delicious desserts are irresistible temptations.
At least I used to have such visions. They had to be expunged from my brain 16 years ago, after I was attacked by The Toe Monster.
That summer, the assault came without warning in the middle of the night. It engendered a pain the intensity of which I hadn’t experienced since having some teeth removed with pliers as a child. The area of this excruciating ache centered in my right big toe and made the spot so sensitive even a bed sheet slithering across it induced a blood-curdling scream.
By morning, I somehow managed to hobble to my podiatrist and my amateur diagnosis was a stress fracture, most likely a delayed reaction to a baseball injury suffered during a game the day before. Foot doctor scanned the surface of my toe and noticed that it was red, shiny, and felt hot to the touch. “No doubt,” he said, setting up his short but disturbing rhyme, “you have GOUT.”
